2-19-2009 Thursday, school day for me.

I started my day with a clear vision of my schedule. I need to dress up extra geeky because after my class we will have a faculty meeting. And, after the meeting, me and my colleagues will watch Confessions of a Shopaholic. What a super day!

I like the movie. I find it light and very entertaining. I was a bit freaked out though by moving mannequins but all in all, it was worth watching.

Anyway, I forgot all about the movie.

Saturday afternoon, I received a text message from a friend. The message was: "I saw the  movie Confessions of a Shopaholic and it reminded me of you =)". I don't know how to react on that. I didn't reply.

In my head, I tried to determine my connection with that movie. I'm far from Rebecca Bloomwood, I don't have credit card problems nor do I have a shopping addiction. That text message left me hanging. I need to know what is the common factor of me and that movie.

Late this evening (sunday), I messaged my friend to seek some answers. She quickly replied : "The movie is definitely you coz you are endearing and very hard to hate". Ok, maybe at that point I should have replied a simple "thank you". But I didn't. I asked her to explain further.  She messaged back with a "haha" at the start then said "becoz even if you are in trouble and people around you should hate you, like in the movie, they just can't. And maybe, you posses the same energy as the lead character has".

I just replied "oh thanks" and a smiley.

There is a reason why I was affected on she said. It took a while to sink in but when I finally got what she was trying to say, it hit me hard. I reflected on the "troubles" that I was involved in. The fact that I can easily slide out of it is both a blessing and a curse.

This is a first for me to feel thankful & sorry at the same time.

November 10, 1930- December 20, 2008

I have two grandmothers. The one from my father's side died when I was in highschool.  Her name is Juanita. I remember her signature color : violet, and she smells like flowers and smoke (she smokes a lot). She is the exact opposite of my grandma on my mom's side. Lola Toyang (short for Victoria) is soft spoken, shy and very elegant. she wears green (devotee of St. Joseph). I love both of them.

Lola Toyang died because of sickness. She is the epitome of inner beauty. In her wake, I heard so many stories on how giving and selfless she was. She is my muse. ( i mentioned her on the wedding challenge in Project Runway, Oh yes, she's the glamourous labandera)

I will forever carry a part of her in my heart. She will remain to be an inspiration on how to live my life.

The easiest way to satisfy me is with a bowl of this yummy meal! Everytime I don't know what/where to eat, I just go to Yoshinoya. I'm a beef bowl monster, what can i say? In fact, the people in yoshinoya in park square makati and in MOA know me already.

 

I can never get over this very awesome movie. Yeah, I know I'm not 13 anymore but hey, It was such a fun movie. Most of you may say Twilight or Sex & the City is better but I'll stick with my choice on this one. In a world where love is defined by being with someone, I must say Love should start with yourself, with who you really are.That's what the film is all about, embracing your true self. Remember: You can never share what you don't have.

I had a crazy year. In fact, 2008 is by far the craziest! This song by Danity Kane was stuck in my head. I don't mean to put much meaning on a catchy song but really, 2008 is all about "fixing". Actually, my friend Lord said that this song reminds him of me. Thanks, gorgeous!

I was shopping with a friend. She's trying to update her wardrobe. One thing I don't understand about women is their shopping style. I mean, it takes them a lot of time just to decide on what to buy. How hard is it to have a mental shopping list and just go to stores where you can find what you're looking for?

"Shopping is an experience", that's what she told me while we sat done in a coffee shop. She tried to convince me that women are better shoppers than men. I said (shouted) "No way!" Personally, I follow the 5mins rule when shopping. I go to a store, look around in 5mins and if i don't see what i'm looking for, I leave. That's it.

I dunno how it happened but our conversation shifted from shopping into soul mates. She complained about there's no "quality guy" anymore. She was so wrong. Luckily, I recently read an article in Cosmo about the 4 types of guys ( by Paul Drobransky, MD).

And now, I introduce to y'all the 4 Categories of Men

By Laura Gilbert for Cosmopolitan

THE ROCK

THE DOER

THE THRILL CHASER

THE SWEETHEART

Apparently, I fall under the Thrill Chaser type.

Everyone has different views about getting old. Some, lie about their age. Others, simply don't reveal. But Eli is proud about the years he lived.

I don't really like throwing a birthday party for myself. I don't like the attention. I spent my 27th birthday dealing with a client (yes, a boy gotta eat). I'm happy that she was happy with the wedding gown I designed for her.

After that, I had dinner with the family. A very simple meal with the people that matters to me. If I can only make one wish, I'll make it for them.

Honestly, I didn't expect to live as long as 27. And every time the 9th of September comes, I can't help but be super thankful.

Two days after my birthday, I went to class to introduce their final project. I went out of the classroom to get some papers in the office. I came back and I felt that some thing's up. My students are giggling like me. I asked them, what's going on. They all exchange a "look". I'm a bit paranoid so, I used a serious tone. "what's up girls?"

Then, they brought out a cupcake with a little lit candle as they sang the birthday song. I swear. my cheeks hurt from blushing so much. That made me happy.

After my class, I went to eat lunch with the people from school. And again, they surprised me with a cake. Ok, is there a conspiracy to make me fat? So again, I blew a candle.

They asked me what I wished for. I just smiled and told them I'll keep it to myself.

For sure, I made a wish for the goodness of others. after all, I'm the modern day Mother Theresa.

I was invited to be a judge for a highschool pageant. Will I ever say no to good cause? So, even the night before the event, I'm totally prepared for it.

I woke up around 6am ( I need to be in there before 8am). I was confident that I'll be there on time. But no, it was super heavy traffic that day. Ok, I tend to be late. Believe me, I'm doing my best to change. On this case, I really felt bad. I don't want to let the kids down. I got to the school around 8:15am. I was lucky that the rest of the judges were not there yet. And because of that, I became the chairman of the board of judges. Naks!

Anyway, the theme of the program is about different nations, so all I need to do is to the judge the national costume, the contestant and the audience appeal. Easy. Wrong again. I was expecting to be seated facing the stage. It turned out, the judges will be ON the stage. Ok, not a big deal, right. to me it is. I don't like the attention. I don't like being on a stage. Too much embarrassing highschool memories suddenly came back to me. Was it the time when I screwed up leading the national anthem? Or being in a musical and I forgot my dance steps?

I had a total Josie Geller ala never-been-kissed experience but i know I just have to get it together. So, I survived the whole thing with pride.

I bid farewell to the student council officers. I was on my way home, I received an sms from the student council president. He told me how thankful they all are, and a statement that boost my spirit. He said " I want to be like you someday". Blushing moment for me. Actually, somebody told me that two years ago. A student of mine came up to me and said the same thing. For me, that's the best compliment ever.

That night, I can't believe the impact of my existence. I guess, I felt so good knowing that I inspire people. I'm not just an ordinary crazy guy, I'm actually an ambition! WoW!

I was recently kidnapped by my friend Cathy.

It all started one lazy day. I planned to stay in bed and have my much needed rest. After lunch, I received a text message. It was Cathy, asking me to drop by her house because she was really really sad. Little did I know that it was just a trick.

I went there wearing shorts (not hot pants!) and sneakers. The door was open, so Ilet myself in. There I saw Tita holding a big basket. She said "let's go". I was confused. I asked if they were leaving. She said that I'm coming along. Cathy was laughing. She hugged me and said that she needs someone to talk to in tagaytay that's why she's bringing me along.

It was an intimate get together of tita's college friends. As expected, it was a diverse group. They gave me a Bohemian vibe. Some danced while the others sang. It was fun.

I was enjoying the food and the stories. Then suddenly, I was on the spotlight. They said nice things about me and the show. I was blushing so hard, my cheeks hurts. One lady (her name is Minerva) started reading my aura. She then took a lettuce leaf, placed it on her hand and whisper something on it. She asked me to eat the leaf and before swallowing it, I should make 1 wish. After that she kissed my forehead and told me, "be ready for greatness".

I pulled Cathy on a corner and asked her if these people are drunk (or playing with me). She said, nope. She told me that her mom's group believed in a lot of things. What fascinates her is that they all have something mystical about them. She told me to go with the flow. Alrighty then.

Out of all the rituals and reading I had, I feared the palm reading portion. I recently had an accident with my right palm. I don't want to hear that my luck changed because of that. Well, I faced it when this man with a weird beard took my hand and asked if he can read my future. He saw my scar, touched it and then told me "was it deep?" I said yes. He smiled and told me "be thankful for that".

Around 9pm, we decided to leave because we have work the next day. I got a lot of hugs and handshakes. On the way back, tita told me that I fit perfectly in their group. That everybody was saying about the "potential" that I have.

I suddenly have such great excitement waking up in the morning.

Fact: I never celebrated my birthday with a party. No balloons, clowns and games. As a child, I'm very peculiar. My mom and dad insisted that I have a birthday party. I told them, I don't like it. Not that I don't like birthdays, I just don't like the attention.

A friend recently celebrated his birthday. I think i should use "acknowledged" than "celebrated". Here's the deal, I see age  like this: early 20's (21-23), mid 20's (24-26) and late 20's (27-29). He is on his late 20's, smart, with a stable job and in good shape. Some might say he has it all. But he doesn't feel that way.

That night, after a few rounds of really strong beer, we checked out this new club. From what we heard it was the new "it" club. When we got inside, it was a big shock, KIDS everywhere. I don't want to exaggerate but come on. These guys errr boys haven't finished puberty yet. And don't get me started on the fashion they sport. Skinny jeans, graphic tees, the scarf and yes, the hooded vest (please, let them rest in peace. have mercy). We need to get out of there before someone refer to me as "kuya".

So we went to the club we often go to. A more familiar place where we are sure the the guys can grow goatee and can match their belt with their shoes. Anyhoo, the night was picking up and we are getting into the momentum. Suddenly, my friend Archie came across with his ex. And I'm telling you, paths shouldn't cross not if you broke up properly. The game plan changed. Instead of playing tag, we started doing the hide and seek. The things we do for friendship.

Some say we lose our fears as we grow. That's crap. We might get over the boogie man or the monster under our beds but the fear is still there. This time it is more real. Fears that can damage our career, health and worse, our heart. We used to think that our security blankets can protect us from the monsters. Now we still have that blanket,

 its our friends.

Don't you just love the sound of the rain? The whole atmosphere, makes you wanna curl up on your bed whole day long. Why not? It's a Sunday.

I stayed on my bed trying to exercise my right hand (close/open/close/open). I was asked to do this and some simple stretching so that i can move my right hand normally again. It kinda hurts every time I move it a certain way.

I slept most of the afternoon. Then, I had a relaxing bath. A friend called me about the forums he read. Mostly some bad stuff about me. Usually, I would have a heated reaction about it but not I don't really mind. I know that I never gave anyone any reason to hate me but I admit that I allow them to stage their insecurities. Hey, its a free country.

I don't know, maybe I reached a different level of calmness. I mean, for the last few days, I was less stressed, and I felt like I'm floating. There's something light and fresh about me now. I hope it stays with me forever.

I'm super excited to go back to my daily routine. Woohoo!

Yes, I did that.

Because of the popularity of a reality show (project runway Philippines), people started to stare at me in a different way. Its like i-know-you-from-somewhere stare. Well, I'm ok with it.

My right hand is not yet ok. It's a bit painful to move my fingers. So, instead of doing my routine, I run errands. One beautiful morning, I had a quick stop to the grocery. I was pushing my cart when I noticed this young mom staring at me. She then told me that she saw me in youtube. i was puzzled. I believe Project Runway is not in youtube. Then she said I worked the swimwear really well. OH NO!!!!! She was talking about the pageant!. OMG!

Ok, here's the deal, yeah I joined MGPI '07. I did that out of my crazy reasons but to top it all of, I did it to face my fear. I'm really scared of being in stage. I'm the shy type, you know? ahem....

Anyway, I read several blogs about me and the pageant. And let me tell you that I never regret joining. In fact, everytime I look back, I laughed. I am laughing at my fear. I believe some people are trying to give a notion that I'm a "pageant guy". I'm not. My performance was very comedic and its obvious that I had fun.

I'm right-handed.

It all started Sunday morning. It was a celebrations. First, my grandma received a great news from her doctor (no, she aint pregnant). Apparently, she doesnt need surgery, meds can cure her. Second, my cousin's  (Monette) birthday.

I anticipated the noise (my relatives on my mother's side are loud, very loud), the chaos and ofcourse, the overflowing food. Monette asked me to make my  child-friendly spaghetti. I cooked it early. So, after that, I started to prepare the strawberry cooler. I was crushing ice when it happened. The glass pitcher broke into my right hand. I got a really really deep wound in the center of my right palm. Bummer

The nurse said i can't move my right hand for at least a week (i'm typing with my left). Super wrong timing. My schedule is ruined. No work, gym, drawing, etc. Instead of being sad, I took it as an opportunity to get to know my left hand.

It is difficult. Now, I exert extra effort in doing things. My left hand is not too coordinated. I'm getting the hang of it. Being lefty is kinda cool. Its like I'm getting to know a nw part of me.They say you appreciate something when you lose it. In this case, I started to appreciate the "reserves" in my life. I'm happy that we have alternatives.

Kenjie is my favorite Ex.

I don't know how he does it but with few simple words, he can make me laugh. I guess that's his best quality.

For almost a year now, I didn't hear from him. I greeted him on his birthday last month, no reply. Then, just last week, I bumped into him in Malate. He was extra "jumpy" when he saw me. He said he has a new mobile number now, we exchanged digits. As I was about to say good bye, he asked me to come with him in the parking lot. There, he showed me his new motorcycle. It was beautiful. Hey, I'm not a big fan of motorcycles but i can appreciate how nice it was.

Anyway, after the "dramatic" scenes I had with the dentist, I focused all my energy to two things : Gym (aka gay church) & work. Then, I received an sms from Kenjie. He's inviting me out. I should have said no but I think I need someone to talk to. I agreed to meet him for dinner.

That night, I tried my very best not to have physical contact with him (ahem...). I kept my distance. I enjoyed our conversations, i laughed so hard I needed to catch my breath. He then asked me the forbidden question amongst ex's, "are we getting back together?". I slowly sipped my drink, thinking on how to sugar-coat NO. Just when I'm about to answer, he said "of all my ex's, you are the only one I want to get back with". I answered "ditto". I told him there's a valid reason why we are ex's now and that same reason is why we can't be together again. He got it clearly.

It was almost midnight, I told him I should go home. He insisted on giving me a ride home...on him MOTORCYCLE! Oh no oh no oh noooooooooooo! I'm a total pussy when it comes to riding the motorcycles. But how can I say No to Kenjie twice in 1 night? So, rolled up my sleeves and hugged him tightly. The guy drove like a wild man. So, I hugged him even more. My inner thigh muscles are working extra hard.

After that scary ride, I thanked him for a lovely dinner. He offered a handshake, I gave him a hug. I softly whispered

" always be a good boy".

I was once called crazy by a guy I dated. It truly affected me because its not a good kind of crazy. He said it in a very serious and formal way. He said that I run away from happiness and that I'm scared of commitment. In short, CRAZY.

A lot of people were asking about the dentist. I kept my lips sealed for so many reasons. But on top of it all, I'm not excited about me and him. I guess I thought it will eventually grow on me.

I was busy these last few days. So busy that I don't even had the chance to reply to anyone who texted me. Last Sunday, he called me. The usual catching up and some few cute stories. Then, we end up on an argument (I wont tell the whole story as a respect to him). It was ugly. I need to release the tension. I hit the gym around 3pm. I want to sweat it all off.

I decided not to be a part of the dentist in any way possible. It's not because of hatred but because of self love. I will never allow anyone to talk to me like he did.

As expected, my friends said I'm crazy. I believe at this point in my life I would rather be crazy than to lose my self respect. What the hey, I'm not the mushy type anyway. But they say that the people who are scared of commitments are those who really know the real meaning of it.

Here are my last words for you, dear dentist. Don't judge my past if you do not even have a place in my future. And yes, keep talking and asking, but I assure you that you will forever wonder how it feels like. You will never experience it first hand. NEVER.

I woke up around 9am, Saturday.

After a busy day, I'm super tired. so I decided to rest. No plans to do. So I went out for a walk in the neighborhood. It was sunny and quiet, my kind of Saturday. But then again, I heard someone screaming "TOMBOY!!!". I look to my left, I saw the source of noise. My friend Cathy was inside her car. She said hop in, so I did. She said I'm invited to a celebration. It's her break up anniversary. At first my right eyebrow raised, i was ready to jump out of the car. I know girls and their "break up" moments. I don't want to hear sad stories now. I changed my mind when she said that she'll be preparing nachos ( eli heart nachos).

So, I spent mid day munching on nachos and drinking tequila. I was hammered as early as 2pm. the stories are all the same. Cathy said something about not finding love anymore, I was too busy romancing the nachos, no chance to reply.

We bid farewell around 8pm. The next day, I realized i forgot my phone at Cathy's place. so I went there. Her mom, Tita Helen, was making breakfast. She greeted me and told me to stay for tea. The tea is her own recipe. It is called the "orgasm" tea. A very bitter tea but it gives you the feeling of having an orgasm when you eat something sweet afterwards. Cathy said I should take my cup of the tea and accompany here to a near coffee shop ( she's addicted to that brand, dunno why). While she was driving, I was sipping the tea. We took turns drinking that bitter liquid. At the coffee shop, I ordered a caramel frap. When I took my first sip, it was like HEAVEN. Yeah, it was orgasmic! When Cathy had hers, she giggled. It was like super weird (in a nice way).

Well, that's it. I just want to share how Caramel gave me an orgasm.

Friday is collect the check day.

I went to the office to get my monthly income from my business. It was kinda depressing to see a 4 digit amount on the check but hey, it's a living.

After the office, i run to the gym to sweat off some stress. I had a great workout. Then, I'm off to school for a meeting. I thought it will be a boring day. I was wrong.

I met my friend Ava. We had some burgers and fries delivered because it was raining and we are so lazy to go to the joint. Anyway, after eating i helped her get a cab going to Pasig.

It was only 8pm so I decided to go to the mall. Oh no! SALE SEASON AGAIN?!?! I need to get away from it all or else I'm totally screwed. So I went out, had a craving for ice cream. I headed to the nearest convenience store. To get there, I need to cross this busy street. Not wanting to be a road kill, I waited until its safe to cross. As I stood in the corner, a red car stop infront of me. The guy was asking for directions. I said sorry I don't know the place he was taking about. Then he said do i need a lift, I said no. Then he said (here it is guys, hold on to your seats!) How much? I gave him the WTF look then he drove away. I'm telling you, I was so flattered.

Ok, I told my friends about this. When I was just a little boy, I thought I'm a cartoon character. At times, It shows until now. I never really see my self as a gay-for-pay guy. Come on, I saw Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, hustlers rule!

On my way home, I can't help but think about that guy and his question " how much?" I tried to come up with a good starting price, you know, what if i answered. Hmmmm.... Money for sex? Should I cost like a good pair of shoes? Or perhaps a bag? I can't help but wonder, what would my price tag be?

I reached home, I checked my phone. I got a message from the dentist telling me how he miss me the whole day. I said it was ok. I asked him if he's going to put a price on himself, how much would it be? He replied "If you're planning to buy me, save that money, I'm for free... (The next part is the awwwww moment) But If you'll ask me how much your worth is, i'll tell you that that's the reason why I work extra hard. So one day, I can afford you".

My reply?

One word.

"Bolero"

Thursday, 5am, I was eating a bacon and egg sandwich.

I woke up really early today. I need to hit the gym before I attend my class. I teach every Thursday, drawing class.

I came in 30mins late because of the bad traffic in Makati. Midway in my class, I received a message from my friend Philipp. He will come over to school and asked me for lunch in Greenbelt. I super love hanging out with him cause he is so funny. He dropped by the school a bit earlier than I expected. So, he witnessed my style of teaching. He was laughing at me.

After class, we had lunch. He said he has invite for the premiere of Hancock, he wants me to see it with him. Super yey! I love the trailer of that film. I'm excited to see it.

The movie started around 8pm. I like the film. It was light, entertaining and very "straight". One thing I learned from it is that it doesn't matter what you have, what matters is how you use what you have.

Go see it with your friends. I recommend it.